Saturday, 18 June 2011

...three special kisses

I am someone who has personal space issues.  I don't like being touched, of course the Big Man and Wee Man are the exception.  Hugs, air kisses all fill me with dread.  So why for someone like me do I sign my name with three kisses at the end?

The answer is that they simply remind me and others of the three special kisses in my life.  They are there to show I am always thinking of them.  Who are my kisses?  They are Agatha, Annie and Hector, my triplets.

After a problematic pregnancy I lost my beautiful babies on June 18th 2005.  They had spent twenty two weeks  in their Mummy's tummy.  It's difficult and emotional to write about the whole experience and I don't think I am able to fully, not yet anyway.  Maybe one day, but not yet.

The following year, the Wee Man came into our lives and though he won't ever fill the hole the triplets left in my heart, he has gone a long way in helping heal it.

He is such a very compassionate Wee Man, often sobbing at sad stories.  Very much like his Mum and Dad.  I think in all honesty he is still too young to know about his big brother and sisters but I think somehow he does know.  A couple of years ago when he was two years old we went to visit the triplets.  They are buried under an oak tree in a remembrance garden.  On our walk up to the tree he ran ahead of us shouting "Hello, hello, hello!" and ran straight to the tree where the triplets were buried.  I'm not sure what exactly that means.  The logical side of my head says it is coincidence but the emotional side believes that the triplets are here watching us and guiding the Wee Man and in a subconscious level he is aware of them.

I do truly believe the triplets will always be with us and when they are not here they are playing in the remembrance garden, dancing with the dragon flies across the beautiful pond and watching the distant trains rush by.

It difficult to form the words I want to express, all too emotional, so I'll finish with a lovely poem a friend sent me, that helped a lot with my grief.

Too Soon - Mary Yarnall

These are lives that had hardly begun
No time to find their place in the Sun
No time to do all they could have done
But we loved you enough for a lifetime

No time to enjoy the world and it's wealth
No time to take life down off the shelf
No time to sing the songs of yourselves
Though you had enough love for a lifetime

Those who live long endure sadness and tears
But you'll never suffer the sorrowing years
No betrayal, no anger, no hatred, no fears
Just love - Only love - In your lifetime 

Madison xxx


  1. Beautiful, sad post, but with something very special to it as well.

  2. Oh Madison. I am so sorry for your pain.
    My mom lost a twin to me before she knew she was pregnant. It was something kept all hush-hush. But somehow I knew about him. I didn't have an imaginary friend, I had an imaginary brother.
    I am sure the Bub knows. Don't hold onto your sorrow. Just remember: he has not one, but three guardian angels!

  3. Oh hun, Im so sorry to hear of your loss. I believe that our loved ones we have lost are always around us, and im sure your beautiful babies are always near to you and your family. Its lovely that your little boy went straight to the tree. Sending you a massive hug hun. Scarlett x


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